In Defense of Tommy Tallarico

SCENE: A COURTROOM IN ORANGE COUNTY, CALIFORNIA

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: 

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I stand before you here in defense of Mr. Tommy TallaRICO, who has been accused of taking money before completion of his masterpiece, his brainchild, the fabulous INTELLIVISON Arnico, AKA “The Footbath,” “Tommy’s Folly,” “Vapourware,” as well as other things. 

I submit to you that while you may not fully appreciate or understand Mr. TallaRICO’s style or business practices, you cannot find beyond a reasonable doubt that his Arnico console is not yet fully engineered, and ready for final testing in advance of its October 2020 release date, world pandemic or not. 

I direct your attention to the figure above, a screen capture from his well-received demonstration of Missile Command by Atari for Arnico, with several of his associates, not all of whom were paid to attend, close at hand. Note that there are any number of alternative explanations for this and one other mediocre Flash-type game to be shown in this style. They could not yet be finished. The team (including at least one person who is legally married to Mr. Tallarico) might have been quarantined because of the COVID-19 stay-home orders. The console may spontaneously catch fire, which would be a hazard with the many tipsy piles of combustible paper stored nearby. Furthermore, you cannot tell beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Arnico is NOT running the low-end Missile Command in this video. 

Consider the many potential devices in frame that could be at work here, (1) the small form factor PC, (3) the Windows development machine, (5) the large PC tower, (8) the PC behind the old table leg, (11) the Surface Pro which could be coincidentally streaming/recording the same image and not running the game itself, (12) a neglected old MacBook Pro, or yes, even (15) the Intellivision Arnico itself. Just because there are no (much-touted) interactive lighting effects shown on the take-out box of a console shell, that does not mean it’s simply being used as a prop. 

In other words, ladies and gentlemen, it cannot be shown beyond a reasonable doubt that that Missile Command is NOT running from the video footbath. If the accusation does not fit, you must pre-order that shit. 

THE JUDGE:

All that just to say that this tired-looking version of Missile Command, which has been ported to every computer with a video display and an integrated circuit since 1980, might not be a fraud? I’m throwing this case out, it’s stupid. Mister Tallarico can demonstrate his worthiness to the gaming community and the wider public by actually releasing something. 

Case dismissed!

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