How To Manage Expectations Like Intellivision Amico!
NUMBER ONE: Get a box of footbath crap from the United States, hand assembled by Tommy Tallarico’s flying monkeys.
NUMBER TWO: Take loving photos of everything. Put it on Facebook. Use words like “amazing.”
NUMBER THREE: Get every angle. This is the coolest thing to come along since the Nokia 3310, which it almost resembles. The battery life is worse and the Snake game isn’t finished yet.
NUMBER FOUR: You are the regional manager. Make sure your name is on it.
NUMBER FIVE: Despite having access to high speed internet and a background in consumer electronics, remember: you didn’t upgrade the firmware. Or you did, but you did it wrong. It doesn’t matter. Just remember, you’re here to make Tommy “I’m Little But I’m Kind of a Big Deal” Tallarico look good. Everything else is secondary.
NUMBER SIX: Take your half-baked footbath to the largest games media journalist in town. Let him really dig into it.
NUMBER SEVEN: It’s OK if some things aren’t perfect. Your CEO loves to talk and his gift of gab will smooth everything over. Facts don’t matter, you work for Intellivision Entertainment!
NUMBER EIGHT: Oh no, that’s not good. He wrote a mean thing, and got several key facts wrong, and your American boss has spent his afternoon bitching about it on Reddit. And it was supposed to be his doggie’s birthday party day, dammit! Leave the problematic bits about NFC payments and sure-to-be-missed launch dates in, but tell them the lag is gone.
NUMBER NINE: Get thrown under the bus anyway, because the boss is a sociopath and you are expendable. Have an Amico Day!